The meaning of life

I’ve been feeling strange lately. I watched The Departed and I can’t get Leonardo Di Caprio’s character out of my head. His vulnerability really affected me.

I can’t attribute it to just the movie- I’ve seen it before, and it never had this effect. But this time it really got to me. It reminds me of when I was in my teens reading David Eddings and being so addicted the characters, their trials, their tribulations… They seemed to mean so much more than my own life – they had meaning where I felt I didn’t.

It reminds me of my early twenties when I went to raves and took drugs and hung out with drug dealers. I wanted my life to have excitement, to mean something. All the people around me seemed to have meaning in their life, whereas I felt I didn’t.

And now I feel that way again.

I feel like I’ve turned into a teenager fantasising about some celebrity, except the fantasy is of being someone else, not being with someone else.

So all this has been quite concerning. I feel like I’m going backwards. Turns out the antibiotics I’m taking interact with my antidepressant- making it less effective.

At least now I have a reason for feeling weird.